Yeah, Batman’s the infant
I can't resist the opportunity to comment on the legendary hype status of this movie since it's airing in theaters this weekend. Does anyone in their right mind - whether you're a comic fan, or not - actually think that there could be some way in which these two could face off and have it translate on the big screen well enough to be considered a good fight, or even fun to watch? I mean critics were complaining about the last Superman film that the fight sequences between Supe and Zod's compatriots in the city was too fast and caused too much destruction (I guess they were comparing it to previous Superman films shot more than two decades ago where you can, on occasion, see the wires suspending Christopher Reeve if you look close enough). What, then, do you possibly imagine a mash-up between Supe and Catwoman with a sex change to look like? "Oh, but Batman has a Kryptonite ring!" Woah, scary stuff. And Superman only has heat vision, x-ray vision, freeze breath, super hearing, near lightspeed reflexes, flight, near invulnerability, and near limitless strength. But to your point yeah, that Kryptonite ring which harnesses the power of will to create physical manifestations of whatever Batman's mind can- wait, that's the Green Lantern's ring. OK, that Kryptonite ring that can emit a 360 degree field of lethal radiation that kills Superman on contact- wait, it doesn't emit a large 360 degree instant Superman-killing field? OK, that Kryptonite ring that shoots powerful supercharged photons in all directions- it doesn't shoot awesome radioactive laser beams, or even regular laser beams, or even bullets? OKaay, that Kryptonite ring that just sits there on Batman's finger, or in his utility belt, glinting in the sunlight emitting very short range emissions that make Superman sick if he stands there... right in front of it for, like, 5 or 10 seconds... ahem. o_O
Do you even know where the Bat got that Kryptonite ring from? Originally Superman gave it to him after getting it in Action Comics vol 1 #654! Yeah, I know the DC Universe has gone through many continuity shifts since then and at one point years later they made it to where Batman took the ring from Green Lantern (just one more reason why I stopped following the comics I grew up with). In either case be it a ring, or a hundred pound slab of Kryptonite molded into a Superman-repelling exo-suit, it's not going to matter. "I consider a fight between Superman and Batman as futile an endeavor as a man trying to stop a bullet train by jump kicking it while wearing a blindfold." You could load Batman up with all the Kryptonite weapons in the universe and it still wouldn't make a difference. Superman would see it coming a mile away, unless they (the director/screenwriter) suddenly make him a moron that only uses one or two powers at a time (think Tom Welling as Clark Kent in Smallville) - there's simply no way to excuse the extreme speed and x-ray vision that help Supe avoid traps. The difference in physics alone don't allow this to be a real match-up. Honestly, as soon as the fight would begin Superman would move so fast Batman would appear to stand still. How the heck do you bait a being who can see through walls and move at nearly the speed of light into a trap? Superman could chuck a pebble from space through Batman's head and the fight would be over; in the blink of an eye he could melt batman whilst simultaneously freezing him as he chucked a freight train on his head while lifting the very earth beneath Batman's feet into orbit; Batman could use his grappling hook to leap from building to building and all Superman would have to do is stand back and laser the cord in half, watching the Caped Crusader fall to his death - although Superman would inevitably swoop in to save him because that's the kind of swell guy he is. Think about it, folks! The only way a fight between the two could commence is if one of 3 things happened: first, if Superman just stood there and let Batman embarrass himself trying to beat him up a little (sort of like he did when trying to make peace with the ill tempered Guy Gardner who abused the power of the Green Lantern ring resulting in the Atom having to break up the fight - for the record, Superman refused to fight back and Batman even commented on him having defeating Guy by virtue of exhibiting traits befitting a founding member of the justice League... I'm paraphrasing here); second, if the idiot director of the film decided to scale back Superman's powers to the level of Batman's (basically they'd have to make him Tom Welling, which I'm pretty sure they're not going to do as they don't want Supe to become a loser); third, if Superman swallowed gold Kryptonite whilst becoming infected with red Kryptonite (thus he would be weakened and evil for all intents and purposes - without the red Kryptonite Superman wouldn't recognize Batman as an enemy in the first place). "Dawn of Justice? Superman's been dishing out justice just fine without having to join up with a bunch of posers." I get the distinct feeling that Zack Snyder is going to somehow model this fight off what it looks like in the game Injustice: Gods Among Us. It's a freaking video game, Zack! You are literally about to try and convince an audience that a demigod could get beaten by a human playing dress-up equipped with fancy gadgets. Of course I'm still trying to wrap my head around why two iconic heroes have to fight each other in the first place. "Batman is simply suffering from Superman envy and seeks to subdue what he cannot understand. After all, in his mind illegal surveillance taps are justified, as is vigilantism, but if you're from an alien planet and people love, respect, and even worship you for devoting your adult life to serving others, you must be destroyed." - Excerpt from Memoirs of the Bat on Why Crime Fighting Detectives are Real Super Heroes, too.
"Nerds everywhere will feel a thrill go up their leg with the arrival of Wonder Woman." Now throw into the mix Wonder W- uh, God - Wonder Woman and Doomsday. Really, out of every character to join the Justice League they choose Wonder Woman to participate in a fight where the villain is nearly as powerful as Superman, minus his heroic inhibitions? If you remember the Death of Superman comic series where this fight played out across various landscapes eventually concluding in the streets of downtown Metropolis, then you know how many members of the Justice League (Martian Manhunter included) Doomsday chewed up like candy before finally being put down (temporarily) by an exhausted Superman. Why does the inclusion of Wonder Woman make any difference at all in this fight? Because she adds sex appeal? Bat Fly would get swatted in .2 seconds and Wonder Thighs might as well be Hillary Clinton for all the good she'll do in the actual fight... of course that's not really why they included her as a main character in this movie, is it? I'm calling politically correct bull-plop on this one, but I will refrain from judgement until I actually see the movie. ;o)
"This is DC's answer to the Avengers? Scale back the ultimate superhero just so the rest of the team can pretend they're doing something useful?" In the end I suspect that this film won't be about the rivalry between Superman and Batman nearly as much as it will be about the rise of Lex Luthor and the formation of the Justice League. Sure some school girl drama between future besties is to be expected, I guess, but unless there's a form of Kryptonite that can turn Superman into a vulnerable moody middle-aged human male in tights (another jab at Batman, I can't help it), don't expect to see an actual fight that makes sense between the Dark Knight Detective and the Man of Steel. Think Guy Gardner v Superman, or Batman v Tom Welling. I'm just saying.
Do you even know where the Bat got that Kryptonite ring from? Originally Superman gave it to him after getting it in Action Comics vol 1 #654! Yeah, I know the DC Universe has gone through many continuity shifts since then and at one point years later they made it to where Batman took the ring from Green Lantern (just one more reason why I stopped following the comics I grew up with). In either case be it a ring, or a hundred pound slab of Kryptonite molded into a Superman-repelling exo-suit, it's not going to matter. "I consider a fight between Superman and Batman as futile an endeavor as a man trying to stop a bullet train by jump kicking it while wearing a blindfold." You could load Batman up with all the Kryptonite weapons in the universe and it still wouldn't make a difference. Superman would see it coming a mile away, unless they (the director/screenwriter) suddenly make him a moron that only uses one or two powers at a time (think Tom Welling as Clark Kent in Smallville) - there's simply no way to excuse the extreme speed and x-ray vision that help Supe avoid traps. The difference in physics alone don't allow this to be a real match-up. Honestly, as soon as the fight would begin Superman would move so fast Batman would appear to stand still. How the heck do you bait a being who can see through walls and move at nearly the speed of light into a trap? Superman could chuck a pebble from space through Batman's head and the fight would be over; in the blink of an eye he could melt batman whilst simultaneously freezing him as he chucked a freight train on his head while lifting the very earth beneath Batman's feet into orbit; Batman could use his grappling hook to leap from building to building and all Superman would have to do is stand back and laser the cord in half, watching the Caped Crusader fall to his death - although Superman would inevitably swoop in to save him because that's the kind of swell guy he is. Think about it, folks! The only way a fight between the two could commence is if one of 3 things happened: first, if Superman just stood there and let Batman embarrass himself trying to beat him up a little (sort of like he did when trying to make peace with the ill tempered Guy Gardner who abused the power of the Green Lantern ring resulting in the Atom having to break up the fight - for the record, Superman refused to fight back and Batman even commented on him having defeating Guy by virtue of exhibiting traits befitting a founding member of the justice League... I'm paraphrasing here); second, if the idiot director of the film decided to scale back Superman's powers to the level of Batman's (basically they'd have to make him Tom Welling, which I'm pretty sure they're not going to do as they don't want Supe to become a loser); third, if Superman swallowed gold Kryptonite whilst becoming infected with red Kryptonite (thus he would be weakened and evil for all intents and purposes - without the red Kryptonite Superman wouldn't recognize Batman as an enemy in the first place). "Dawn of Justice? Superman's been dishing out justice just fine without having to join up with a bunch of posers." I get the distinct feeling that Zack Snyder is going to somehow model this fight off what it looks like in the game Injustice: Gods Among Us. It's a freaking video game, Zack! You are literally about to try and convince an audience that a demigod could get beaten by a human playing dress-up equipped with fancy gadgets. Of course I'm still trying to wrap my head around why two iconic heroes have to fight each other in the first place. "Batman is simply suffering from Superman envy and seeks to subdue what he cannot understand. After all, in his mind illegal surveillance taps are justified, as is vigilantism, but if you're from an alien planet and people love, respect, and even worship you for devoting your adult life to serving others, you must be destroyed." - Excerpt from Memoirs of the Bat on Why Crime Fighting Detectives are Real Super Heroes, too.
"Nerds everywhere will feel a thrill go up their leg with the arrival of Wonder Woman." Now throw into the mix Wonder W- uh, God - Wonder Woman and Doomsday. Really, out of every character to join the Justice League they choose Wonder Woman to participate in a fight where the villain is nearly as powerful as Superman, minus his heroic inhibitions? If you remember the Death of Superman comic series where this fight played out across various landscapes eventually concluding in the streets of downtown Metropolis, then you know how many members of the Justice League (Martian Manhunter included) Doomsday chewed up like candy before finally being put down (temporarily) by an exhausted Superman. Why does the inclusion of Wonder Woman make any difference at all in this fight? Because she adds sex appeal? Bat Fly would get swatted in .2 seconds and Wonder Thighs might as well be Hillary Clinton for all the good she'll do in the actual fight... of course that's not really why they included her as a main character in this movie, is it? I'm calling politically correct bull-plop on this one, but I will refrain from judgement until I actually see the movie. ;o)
"This is DC's answer to the Avengers? Scale back the ultimate superhero just so the rest of the team can pretend they're doing something useful?" In the end I suspect that this film won't be about the rivalry between Superman and Batman nearly as much as it will be about the rise of Lex Luthor and the formation of the Justice League. Sure some school girl drama between future besties is to be expected, I guess, but unless there's a form of Kryptonite that can turn Superman into a vulnerable moody middle-aged human male in tights (another jab at Batman, I can't help it), don't expect to see an actual fight that makes sense between the Dark Knight Detective and the Man of Steel. Think Guy Gardner v Superman, or Batman v Tom Welling. I'm just saying.
"Jay has been a freelance IT specialist for 20 years with a focus on user support and troubleshooting for PCs, laptops, and mobile devices running Windows and Android operating systems. I also- uh, Jay also has a BS in-" crap, I broke third person narrative. Screw it. I graduated with my BS in Software Engineering in 2011 and have been gaming since I was 4. I'm also handsome and awesome.
